Council Post: Learning To Do It All — Together

President at Total Solutions and Founder of Lead(h)er

Last week, Iowa was hit with a “derecho,” an inland hurricane with winds reaching 100 mph. Our house was hit by a large maple and our power was out for a couple of days. We were the lucky ones in terms of damage and power outage, but it was still a difficult, stressful time. That same day of the storm, I was headed to pick up my kids from daycare and someone in the lane next to mine was hit by an oncoming car and came into my lane, smashing into the driver’s side of my car.

With a tree on my house and my car out of commission, I somehow managed to keep it all together. I continued to work, speaking around town, preparing reports and meeting with clients. I obsessively prepared our oldest for his first day of kindergarten, dutifully rounding up the last of the necessary forms, picking out the perfect first-day book, and coaching him on how it will be a “weird year due to the virus.”

Then today, I absentmindedly closed my rental car door with the keys inside. It’s the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. And this camel is heading to the hospital — if she can find a ride.

I don’t know about you, but I shoulder a particular burden of doing it all, even though I’m the first to say it’s a bad habit. All it takes is something small (in this case, a small sedan with Texas plates locked with the keys inside) to knock over what I thought was working pretty darn well.

This is not a new concept, but it is glaringly present to me as I and so many of my friends take on more than ever this fall. Work and home were mashed together over the past six months, and now we’ve added school and child care questions to the mix. We are guilty of laying 2019 expectations on our 2020 selves. 2020, if it is to expect anything more of us at this point, is the year we can’t expect anything to go as planned. And yet, we go into hyperdrive and overplan it anyway, all while juggling new normal after new normal in our work and personal rhythms.

In the face of so much uncertainty, what steps can we take to be sure we’re not doing it all?

1. Know and name your most vital priority (MVP). For me, my MVP was ensuring my kindergartner had a great first day. That meant other things like arriving to work early or saying yes to a later-afternoon meeting would not happen. He only has one first day. My MVP is different than yours and even different for me today or next week. Knowing and naming your MVP saves you from feeling like everything is important and urgent. Of course, most days have more than one MVP, but you need to be discerning and critical enough of yourself and your workload to know an MVP from a PUT (or probably unimportant task).

2. Rely on your network of support. When your world starts caving in, it’s easy to feel like you need to be the hero that rebuilds. However, that’s rarely the best way to find your footing again. I have a monthly standing coffee date with a group of fellow leaders where we give each other advice and perspective. Whether you create a personal board of directors for yourself, have a mentor or utilize a broader network, outside perspective tends to lend perspective to help manage your mental load. And someone in your network might also offer to help take things off your plate, too.

3. Take time for your mental health. The inconveniences of the storm and car mishaps are enough to derail a day or a week. To keep myself in check, I focused on what I could control. I went for a run (when the whiplash subsided). I scheduled a massage. I continued to take time to do activities that I enjoy doing. For me, these are ways I take care of my mental health. Everyone has different strategies, but keeping consistently strong mental health practices builds your resilience muscle for when bad things happen to you. I am not a mental health professional, but in my own experience, I’ve found that having a strong focus on mental health helps me with number one and number two on my list above, too.

In the time it’s taken me to write this, my car has been unlocked by a friendly local service. The crisis it felt like a few hours ago has dissipated, but my purpose for writing is no less important. The straws that break our backs come in many forms these days because our backs are tired.

As you carry your own weight, give yourself grace. Give it to those around you who are trying to do it all, too. Lend a hand when you can. Just as importantly, accept a hand, or a ride, to get through your next storm.

Forbes Business Council is the foremost growth and networking organization for business owners and leaders. Do I qualify?