How To Build Confidence And Overcome Negative Self Talk

By Heather Cherry—

Have you ever been in a situation and instantly felt like you didn’t belong? Or worse, you ‘told’ yourself you didn’t belong? The truth is more women than not may dislike themselves or talk negatively about themselves, especially in new situations.

Maintaining a high level of confidence is challenging in normal circumstances, and even more so during uncertainty. 

Women face even more challenges as they juggle family life and work-life in completely unchartered territory. In the year 2020, life has been disrupted, schedules have gone array, and life feels like it will never be normal again. 

These impossible circumstances can take a toll on your self-esteem. Here’s how to overcome negative self-talk and build confidence: 

Set Realistic Goals

First, visualize yourself as you want to be. What career aspirations or personal goals do you have? Ambitious women often take on too much and immediately set themselves up for failure before they begin. Don’t do that! It will only feed the negative self-talk you may already battle. 

The key is to set realistic goals that meet you where you are at in your personal and professional life. Write them down in your journal or create a vision board. 

Prepare To Fail

Now that you’ve set goals for yourself ponder the thought that you may fail. Contemplating failure will help you problem-solve ways to avoid it! It also enables you to reframe the way you think of failure.

Frequently, failure is thought of as a final thing, but it doesn’t have to be. Failing at something is merely an opinion. Instead, look at failure as Henry Ford once said, “Failure is an opportunity to begin again, only this time more intelligently.”

Overcome Failure 

Acknowledge how you feel about failing, whether it happened yet or not. Pay attention to what happens next. Do you cope by reaching for unhealthy attempts to reduce the pain? Or do you analyze the facts? 

If you choose to examine the facts, think about what happened that led to failure. Is it something you did (or didn’t do)? If so, how can you better prepare next time with this knowledge?

Look at each failed situation like an opportunity to learn and build again. The only actual failures happen when you give up. 

Embrace Uncertainty 

This year has given more than enough chances to embrace uncertain situations. Doing the things that scare you the most will help you build your confidence. It enables you to show up for yourself in unexpected ways and will boost your self-confidence. 

You’ll be able to revert to these moments and feel empowered when faced with future challenges. In the meantime, you’ll know you are capable of more than you gave yourself credit. The perfect time is now to submit for that promotion, learn a new skill, or start a business!

Choose Positivity 

Negative self-talk starts with yourself. If you actively choose positivity, you can more effectively combat those negative thoughts that creep in whenever you’re feeling less than confident. 

But, how do you maintain positivity when you’re up against a challenge? In the simplest form, talk to yourself in ways to increase your self-esteem

If you can’t muster the courage internally, look for external support. Someone else has probably experienced a similar challenge and overcame it. Find those that have already overcome it and ask for advice. 

Practice Self-Care

It’s more than a buzzword. It’s necessary to boost your self-confidence. Self-care includes taking care of your mental, physical, and emotional self. Ways to do this include practicing meditation, exercising, saying ‘no’ to things that don’t bring joy, getting proper rest, eating a healthy diet, and practicing gratitude. 

Avoid Imposter Syndrome

Suppose you’ve ever felt like a fraud. You aren’t alone. In fact, it is estimated that 70 percent of people will experience at least one episode of this phenomenon in their lives.

Everyone feels like an imposter now and then. The imposter syndrome is the concept that makes you think your success is not by your actions but due to luck. The imposter syndrome is an inaccurate self-perception afflicting those who have difficulty experiencing success despite high achievement and recognition from others. 

Common associations are perfectionism, excessive anxiety, guilt, and self-doubt. 

Practice Persuasion 

Reaching ‘boss status’ may be directly related to how good you are at persuasion. Not the icky kind, but influencing people in most situations. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), the psychological principles of effective persuasion are reciprocation, liking, social proof, authority, and scarcity. These principles embrace the idea that setting a message of what you want ultimately leads to positive persuasion. 

Harness Procrastination 

Procrastination may seem counterintuitive to your goals, but you can use procrastination in your favor. Harness the power of procrastination to propel you forward. Moderate procrastination can foster creativity, intrinsic motivation, and the opportunity to generate new ideas.

Persevere 

Building confidence and overcoming negative self-talk is not a one-time thing to check off your to-do list. It takes time and practice. You’ll need to choose each day to implement these ideas. Ultimately, you are worth it, and the nagging voice in your head is almost always wrong (unless she’s telling you you’re awesome).

Heather Cherry is a Marketing Consultant and Copywriter. She self-published, Market Your A$$ Off. She holds a master’s degree in Professional Writing from Chatham University. 

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