The Go-Go’s Kathy Valentine Recounts Her Rock & Roll Life In New Book ‘All I Ever Wanted’

When she was a teenager growing up in the 1970s, aspiring musician Kathy Valentine experienced a life-defining moment during a visit to England: watching American glam rocker Suzi Quatro performing on the popular British music television program Top of the Pops. From there, Valentine knew that not only she wanted to become a rocker, but to also be in a band that included other like-minded female musicians. 

“I thought I was just playing guitar the way I played violin in grade school,” the Austin, Texas-born Valentine tells Forbes today. “It never occurred to me that I could be in a band, like Keith Richards [in the Rolling Stones], It just didn’t cross my mind until I saw Suzi Quatro in a band. It was like, ‘That’s all I wanted to do.’ I thought I was the only teenage girl who wanted to do that. Seeing the Runaways  made me go, ‘Not only do other girls wanna do this, they’re out there. I’ve gotta go find my girls to do this with.’”

She eventually did. In late 1980, Valentine, by this time a professional musician, later hooked up with an emerging all-female L.A. punk group called the Go-Go’s as their bass player—and as they say, the rest is history. For the first half of the 1980s, the Go-Go’s —which also included singer Belinda Carlisle, guitarist Jane Wiedlin, guitarist-keyboardist Charlotte Caffey and drummer Gina Schock — were one of the most popular and successful bands of their time, scoring such hit songs as “Our Lips Our Sealed,” “Vacation,” “Head Over Heels” and “We Got the Beat.” Along the way, the group played in some of the world’s biggest stages and became media sensations.

Valentine had a front-row seat to all the excitement and drama within the Go-Go’s during that unforgettable era — all of which she has documented in her newly published memoir All I Ever Wanted (University of Texas Press). In addition to her time in that band, Valentine details some of the turbulent aspects of personal life in this raw and moving autobiography: an unconventional relationship with her mother; her substance abuse issues and road to sobriety; and the difficult experiences she faced as a solo artist after the Go-Go’s breakup in 1985.

Decades later, the Go-Go’s, who have occasionally reunited and toured over the years, still remain popular. Their music served as the focal point of the 2018 Broadway musical Head Over Heels, and their career is the subject of an upcoming documentary by Alison Ellwood. And as part of their 40th anniversary, the Go-Go’s are scheduled to tour this summer.

Meanwhile, Valentine has also created a soundtrack companion to All I Ever Wanted, for which she is currently promoting at bookstore appearances next month. “One of the things I learned in writing this book was maybe it’s time to be Kathy Valentine,” she reflects. “Here’s my story, here’s my words.’ I think I’ve always been afraid if I wasn’t in a band, I wouldn’t be good enough. So I needed to be a part of something that was good enough. I like being in a band.  But at the same time, I feel like maybe it’s time to not hide in the band.”

The following is a conversation with Valentine that has been edited for length and clarity. 

Why did you want to write a memoir?

I’ve always been a songwriter, and I’ve always loved words. I’m an avid reader. I got to a point where I saw that I could write and have a voice that could resonate on the page. Partially that came from an ill-fated Twitter memoir that I did in 2009, and that showed me that I could connect with an audience. It was done as a lark and I took it down because it just wasn’t the right format.

Then in my creative writing classes, I had professors and instructors who said: “You’re very good at this.” And I submitted a short story and it got published. It was the first time I sent something out and was accepted. I thought, “What could be the first book?” I need to show that I can write before people are just gonna accept that I’m a writer. And it seemed like a memoir would be the thing.

In researching and writing for All I Ever Wanted, what were some of the things that you learned or discovered about yourself?

It was probably the most wonderful process of doing anything creative I have ever done. There were times like reliving making Beauty and the Beat and remembering the joy of that time.  I would learn how to overcome my perfectionism. I spent months and months writing three chapters over and over again. I realized fairly quickly that I was never gonna get it done if I didn’t let go of my perfectionism. 

The other thing I had that was super helpful [were] all the Go-Go’s press [clippings] our publicist used to send us. I just have these plastic bins full of stuff. It was really helpful to go back and read press. So if I could get my memory jogged and remember what was going on, then I could write about it. I tried to make sure I knew what I was feeling and had enough documentation to be accurate. 

A portion of the book talks about your mother Margaret, who raised you after she and your father split. She was very hands-off as you were growing up and being on your own. How did that inform you as an adult? 

I never felt safe and I never felt like anyone was really gonna take care of me. That was my job to take care of myself. And I wasn’t very good at it, like most kids aren’t. I clung so hard to the Go-Go’s because that was how I would have security, and that’s how I would take care of myself. I would feel like I belonged and was in a family. So it informed my almost desperate need to keep the band going,

The other thing I saw was how supportive my mom was. She was never like: “Oh no, you can’t do that. You can’t be a musician.” With this book, I said: “Mom, I’m gonna write about this. How do you feel about that?” She said: “It’s your story. You write your story.” It was more important to her that I have the freedom to write my story than it was for her to come out looking like the best mom or for me to whitewash anything. 

You later relocated to Los Angeles with your band members from Texas to pursue your musical dreams. One time, you saw the original Go-Go’s lineup perform on stage and you were initially not impressed. Then in late 1980 you ran into the Go-Go’s Charlotte Caffey at an X show, and she invited you to fill in on bass. What changed your mind about the Go-Go’s?

They were a very new band. They will be the first to say that they didn’t know what they were doing. They were just doing it because it was the punk rock scene, and that informed you that anyone could do it. I had been playing in bands for a few years.  I was into ability, and the Go-Go’s just didn’t have that kind of ability when I first saw them.

When I saw them later, they had recruited Gina Schock on drums. It’s also part of the Go-Go’s story that when Gina joined the band, she really overhauled them and she made them practice every day. It was a different band. What got my attention was that the audience loved them and they had the songs. I noticed the second time I saw them, their audience was responding, they were going crazy. They were happening. And when I met Charlotte, I was really at a loss. I quit [my band] the Textones and I’ve been in L.A. for two years to make it. I had some good things happen, but nothing like the Go-Go’s. So I was more than willing to switch from guitar to bass and be the new person in a band, because I believed that the band had what it took to make it. And that’s what I wanted to do.

Did you have an inkling at the time that the Go-Go’s were going to be huge before the debut release of the Beauty and the Beat album, which eventually went to number one?

It took about nine months to get there. We were making enough money to have our rent paid and we got $40 a week to live on. So to me, that was enough success. And then getting a record deal [with I.R.S. Records], that was enough success for me.  I wasn’t thinking about being huge. My longing was always to be in a female band that was in the pantheon of great bands. I don’t see enough female bands, so my longing was there. 

I was always able to exult in the moment of what was happening because it was very exciting and unreal, especially way before we had a number one record. Opening for the Stones, I just felt like: “Hey I’m on a stage opening for my favorite band and anything can happen.” When we’re going on Saturday Night Live, a show I’ve been watching since I was a teenager that I loved, anything can happen. So there was very much this feeling of anything can happen, even though I wasn’t fixated on what exactly it would be.

That’s the magic of the Go-Go’s career. I never dreamed of having a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I never dreamed of having a Broadway musical [in Head Over Heels]. The Go-Go’s have been this crazy gift that keeps giving, and nobody would be probably that interested in my book if it wasn’t for the fact that I’ve been in the Go-Go’s.

In those early years, the Go-Go’s endured moments of sexism—the type of behavior that would not be tolerated by today’s standards.

There’s still a very active patriarchy in all fields for women. What made a big difference during my time were male musicians who I looked up to. I didn’t look up to a radio programmer. I didn’t look up to an A&R man. I looked up to whatever male musician I encountered, and the male musicians [such as the Police] were always so supportive and encouraging. In that respect, it made it a lot easier to deal with the gatekeepers.  

I think I wrote in my book, ”You can’t blame a journalist for taking the easy hook,” which is “the incompetent band that made it. On top of that, they’re adorable.” We weren’t threatening looking. So I don’t blame journalists. But what happened was it became very easy to take that extra step and say: “Oh aren’t they cute, and aren’t they bouncy? It was true—we were cute, bouncy, and effervescent. But it wasn’t the sum of us. It was just an image. We were very real humans that we’re doing something pretty extraordinary and it wasn’t just being female. 

You were caught up in drugs and alcohol during your time with the band, and then you eventually got sober following the Go-Go’s breakup. Do you ever look back now and wonder how you survived through it all?

In the broad context, it was the ‘80s, which everyone acknowledges was an era of greed and decadence. We were 22-23-24-years-old. If I could take one thing that I’m the most grateful for, is that I didn’t hurt someone—because all the circumstances were in place where that could have happened. It’s being self-centered, selfish, young, stupid and really immature. And my biggest thing that I feel—the blessing of my life—is that when I was a drinker, I didn’t harm someone. 

Certainly one of the painful parts in the book was when you described the moment the Go-Go’s had split. It was as if your world had ended.

The Go-Go’s were so dependent on chemistry. As soon as Jane left the band, I was so blinded by it.  I couldn’t see that [the band] had disintegrated in front of my eyes when she left. I would fixate on keeping it, partly it was because my entire identity and security were so tied up in it. Only when I got sober, I realized what Charlotte—who had been even deeper of an addict than I—was dealing with a very much darker problem. She was supposed to come back from rehab and just be a Go-Go again? I don’t think I realized until I went sober what was being expected of her. So looking back with hindsight, of course she needed to break up the band. It felt like being thrown away, so I didn’t understand it.

After the Go-Go’s, you went through a difficult time both in your professional and personal life for the rest of the 1980s—while Belinda Carlisle and Jane Wiedlin had success as solo artists.

I’ve put together so many bands and they’re all good. And yet none of them have been successful,except the Go-Go’s. I am a die-hard musician and that’s what I’m gonna do, whether I’m succeeding or not, because I love playing in a band. I have a very full, real-life now. But at the time that’s all I knew. I was out of money. What else was I gonna do? What frustrated me so much was I had one person say: “You must have been so jealous of the other girls’ success?” And the weird thing was, I wasn’t jealous. I just couldn’t figure out “Where was mine? I’m working my ass off here, and I’ve spent all my money, I’m lost and confused and I drink too much, and nothing’s working out.” Back then I just thought I had to make it and get a record deal. Otherwise how will I live, and what will I do? And it was just horrible.

Meanwhile, the Go-Go’s are the subject of an upcoming documentary directed by Alison Ellwood to later air on Showtime. What do you think of the film?

She did a great job. I think it’s really, really great and it’s been very healing for the band. It has just drawn us closer to each other. I’m really glad I have a book that tells a little bit more of my story because the [movie] narrative is very much about how the band came out of the punk rock scene, and I wasn’t in the band when they were first joining. I really liked [the documentary]. We’ve seen it twice. We laughed so much and we just all hugged when it premiered at Sundance. We all came out of our seats and we just all hugged. It was just very pure. 

The Go-Go’s are scheduled to tour as part of the 40th anniversary. Are there any plans to record a new record to follow up 2001’s God Bless the Go-Go’s?

I don’t think that’s gonna happen. It was so problematic to write one [new] song for the Go-Go’s documentary…trying to do that with the writers being in different cities. I’m open to it, and hopefully we can do more. It takes so much effort. We live all over the place. I’m good in the studio. I’m good with Pro Tools recording software, but not everybody is. It’s not like everybody can record their parts and just do it that way.

How’s the relationship between you and the other members of the band now?

It’s the best it’s ever been. I think everybody really seems to have forgiven. There are the things that you do when you’re young, and you don’t even know that you’ve hurt somebody in that 40 years later. There’s times where I’ve really been sad that I couldn’t be the person now that I couldn’t be then. None of us were.  I was really in survival mode.Somebody else might wanna be a star, and somebody else might just want a job where they get to play music. Everybody has a different reason that means something to them. And mine was to survive. I had that longing for family and they were my sisters. So we are really always learning more about letting go of the past and forgiving and healing. 

The fact that we’re still talking about the Go-Go’s 40 years later is an indication of the band’s legacy.

It’s a classic sound and classic songs. Nobody else sounds like the Go-Go’s.  I’ve always said, “Who would you say we sound like?” And nobody can really say who we sound like. So that’s pretty unique. The music still sounds good on the radio. There’s bands [who are] one-hit wonders. Well, we’re four-hit wonders. So there you have it. 

What do you hope people would come away from your book?

That people respond to me as a writer. I do think I have another memoir in me. But I don’t think it would be my second book, because I don’t wanna be like a two-trick pony. I also feel like with this book, I’ve proven that I can write and that I have a voice that gets onto the page. I’d like to tie it in with my music.