(00)7 James Bond Imitators To Stream Instead Of ‘No Time To Die’

Had things gone according to plan, today would be the opening night for No Time to Die. The 25th official James Bond movie was supposed to open in the UK on April 3 and in North America on April 10 (or April 9 at around 7:00 pm counting previews). Alas, MGM and Universal delayed the movie to November due to concerns about the Coronavirus impacting overseas box office. Ironically, the move allowed the film to open in the conventional November slot where the 007 franchise has, save for Tomorrow Never Dies in December of 1997, been opening since GoldenEye in 1995. Couple that with a potentially advantageous year-end slot, especially if Godzilla Vs. Kong and Dune don’t break out, and the alleged $30-$50 million hit that United Artists is allegedly taking via the date change (in terms of marketing expenses) may still pay off in the end.

The bad news is that 007 fans now have to wait another seven months for their fix, which is particularly vexing since Spectre opened way back in November of 2015. So, in the name of charity, here is a list of temporary substitutes while you wait. No, these aren’t James Bond movies, but they exist in the same sandbox, and in some cases are entirely inspired by the Ian Fleming-penned spy saga (and resultant EON-produced movies). So, without further ado, here are 007 alternatives while you wait to Die Another Day and patiently figure out Another Way to Die. All of these will leave you feeling life you’re on an All Time High. I’ll see myself out. Oh, and I’ve tried to spread these out a little, in terms of years and decades. I could make this list just from the various spy flicks that debuted in 2015.

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997/New Line Cinema)

Box Office: $67.5 million worldwide on a $16.5 million budget

The prototypical example of a breakout sequel, but also a red herring in terms of an underwhelming franchise-starter leading to a blow-out follow-up, Jay Roach and Mike Myers’ initial swinging 60’s spy adventure was itself an acclaimed hit, earning nearly six times its $9.5 million debut in early 1997. It’s a spoof where the satirical characters have become almost as big, in terms of pop culture impact, as the comedic targets. This high concept comedy, about a stereotypical 1960’s spy and a Blofeld-type supervillain (both played by Myers) who reawaken after three decades in hibernation, is a gut-busting Mad Magazine-style satire of the prototypical action movie (which mines laughs from extreme characters engaging in everyday interactions) and an insightful fish-out-of-water comedy. Moreover, as Austin adapts to the more “politically correct” 90s without losing an ounce of his mojo, it becomes an ahead-of-its-time examination of acclimating to new (and more progressive) social mores.

If Looks Could Kill (1991/Warner Bros.)

Box Office: $7.8 million

This silly comedy about a slacker American high schooler (Richard Greico) mistaken for a spy while on a class trip to Europe is better than maybe half of the actual James Bond movies. It has exotic locations, goofy gadgets, and exactly as much PG-13 violence as you’d expect in a stereotypical 007 actioner. Roger Rees (as the awesomely-named August Steranko) and Linda Hunt (as his whip-wielding enforcer) would be terrific villains in any straight-up action movie, let alone an action comedy. Grieco indulging in the various 007 vices, including attempts to have casual sex being thwarted by an inability to open a condom container, which shows that awareness about the franchise’s tropes are not a new cultural development. It also had the good fortune to exist in that six-year gap between License to Kill and GoldenEye, filling a vacuum as both a spoof and a solid example of the genuine article.

Mission: Impossible (1996/Paramount)

Box Office: $457 million on an $80 million budget

While the stunt-filled and action-packed franchise today stands side by side with the 007 franchise (and the Fast & Furious films) as A-level action blockbuster franchises, this first (admitted mega-hit) was indeed a buttoned down and cynical look at the spy craft, with more in common with The Spy Who Came In From the Cold than GoldenEye. Although both Tom Cruise’s first Ethan Hunt flick and Pierce Brosnan’s first 007 movie are rooted in the cynicism and weariness of lifetime government operatives questioning their purpose at the end of the Cold War. The Brian DePalma film is very much a DePalma film, just as the first five Mission: Impossible films matched the persona of their director (Mission: Impossible II is so John Woo almost spoofing himself). The film earned plaudits in its day for its adult-skewing narrative, its emphasis on suspense over carnage, and its comparatively stripped down narrative. Today, it qualifies as a miracle of modern tentpole filmmaking.

Spy (2015/Fox)

Box Office: $235 million on a $60 million budget

Paul Feig’s re-watchable action comedy was the best spy flick of 2015, all due respect to Man From U.N.C.LE., Kingsman, Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation and, uh, Spectre. Spy puts Melissa McCarthy in the center of a real-deal spy flick but also surrounds her with other game comedic actresses, including a movie-stealing Rose Byrne. The jokes almost all land, and the action sequences don’t feel neutered due to being staged within a comedy. You even get a hilariously self-mocking Jason Statham offering an epic run-down of his most impressive feats of heroism that would make Tom Cruise’s Ethan Hunt blush. The film’s key joke is also its thesis statement, namely how exceptional of a secret agent Susan Cooper turns out to be the moment she is given the chance, and how society sacrifices in the name of maintaining a patriarchal status quo. This may be both Melissa McCarthy and Paul Feig’s best movie.

The Spy Who Dumped Me (2018/Lionsgate)

Box Office: $75 million on a $40 million budget

Oh, you say you want a major studio comedy from a female director that emphasizes female friendship over stereotypical cattiness? This Susanna Fogel-directed action comedy is better than the last Bond movie and the last Kingsman. A young woman (Mila Kunis) gets dumped only to discover that the guy was a Jason Bourne/007-type secret agent. She takes his place on a world-saving mission around Europe, with her best pal (Kate McKinnon) in tow. Kunis and McKinnon are a dynamic duo, and the film convincingly balances the line between getting them in over their heads and not making them dumb or foolish. The picture earns its R-rating not by by not cutting out the violence and potty words. It’s a movie for adults, by adults, with a genuine adult sensibility from a time before everything got squeezed into the PG-13 box. It also reminded me of If Looks Could Kill, and I mean that as a compliment.

True Lies (1994/20th Century Fox)

Box Office: $346 million on a $120 million budget

Controversial in its day and now considered a defining “problematic” piece of pre-9/11 blockbuster entertainment, James Cameron’s attempt at turning Arnold Schwarzenegger into a James Bond-type hero (again, during a period where 007 himself was on sabbatical) still holds up as both a massively-scaled action adventure and a refreshingly specific character play. Yes, the mostly Arab baddies (led by a game Salim Abu Aziz) are not “politically correct,” but they are allowed to be funny while (rare for its time) given a moment to point out America’s role in Middle East suffering. Yes, Jamie Lee Curtis is essentially forced to a strip-tease for her husband, but the film stood out at the time (especially for a summer blockbuster) for given total sympathy to a cheating wife and total blame to a negligent husband. Within a vacuum, True Lies is both a fantastic action movie and a pinpoint character study of a failing marriage revived via a baptism by fire.

xXx (2002/Sony)

Box Office: $242 million on a $90 million budget

The Return of Xander Cage is the best of these “extreme” action movies, but Vin Diesel and Rob Cohen’s first attempt at a “cool” James Bond-type super spy is a fascinating time capsule. Opening alongside Ben Affleck’s The Sum of All Fears, Matt Damon’s The Bourne Identity and an actual 007 film (Die Another Day), xXx is a relic from when studios would make a point to offer something different as opposed to something familiar. Both The Bourne Identity (which is, of course, also worth a quarantine watch) and xXx were pitched and/or received as “different” variations on the 007 template more suited to the early 2000’s. xXx isn’t a great movie, but it’s amusing in terms of a guy thinking he is above the James Bond template still finding himself stuck in an adventure that follows the playbook to a tee. No matter how you try to run from the formula, the formula catches up with you.