CDC: 10 Ways To Dine Safely At A Restaurant With Coronavirus Around

As the Covid-19 coronavirus pandemic continues, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have now released new “Deciding to Go Out” guidelines. So if you are considering dining out, it may be time to “digest” what they say about visiting and eating at a restaurant. Here are the 10 recommendations that they served up, each paraphrased a bit with a pair of phrases:

1. Check, please: search the restaurant’s website and social media for their Covid-19 safety guidelines.

If the restaurant website or social media does not mention of Covid-19 or the coronavirus, that’s not a great sign. That would be like ignoring the elephant in the room. Actually, it would be more like ignoring the elephant that’s playing Taylor Swift songs on the accordion in the room. Beware of restaurants that are acting as if the pandemic were no big deal.

2. Make the call: call ahead to ask if their staff are wearing face coverings at work.

Prior to the pandemic, calling a restaurant and asking, “hey, do people wear masks at your restaurant,” might not have gotten the best reaction. But nowadays, it should be expected. If the restaurant is shocked or offended by your query, that’s also not a good sign. Your safety should be their concern.

3. Face the facts: wear face coverings when you are indoors or less than 6 feet apart from others.

The CDC did specify cloth face coverings in case you were thinking of wearing a metal bucket on your head. Of course, when you are ready to drink or eat, you can uncover your mouth. Otherwise, trying to shove a hot dog through a face covering ain’t going to work.

4, Stay distant: try to stay at least 6 feet apart from people who do not already live with you.

If you are dining with people who don’t regularly live with you, this isn’t the time to whisper sweet nothing into their ears. Keep your distance. Act as if they were constantly farting.

5. Park yourself: choose self-parking instead of valet service.

Treat your car as you would your genitalia. Don’t just hand it to a stranger, give the person a tip, and walk away.

6. Wait for it: stay at least six feet away from others in entryways, hallways, or waiting areas.

Where you eat is not the only place to keep your distance. This applies to anywhere other people may be. Always think about Denzel Washington, who is around six feet tall. Always. When you are in a waiting area, hallway, entry way, or anywhere else, try to keep at least one Denzel away from everyone else, as I have written before for Forbes.

7. Wash your bleeping hands: wash them when entering and exiting the restaurant.

If you aren’t already frequently and thoroughly washing your hands, then what exactly is going to convince you to start do so? When washing your hands, lather up with soap for at least 20 seconds. As I have mentioned before for Forbes, that means singing through at least the first “Oh no, oh no, oh no” of the Divinyls song, “I Touch Myself.” Don’t actually touch yourself while singing the song, because that would defeat the whole purpose. When singing the song, don’t stare directly at strangers, because that’s kind of weird.

8. Maintain proper table settings: try to sit outdoors at tables that are at least six feet apart from other people.

Unless there is an active tornado going on, it’s a better to dine outdoors where the wind can provide natural ventilation. Even when you are outside, try to keep the tables at least six feet apart. If people aren’t staying six feet away from you, loud and heavy moaning may work.

9. Don’t be so self-serving: avoid self-serve food and drink options so that you don’t have to touch shared items.

Being self-serving these days can be bad in more ways than one. It can result in your touching things such as utensils, handles, buttons, touchscreens, and other things that people have been panting on and touching.

10. Check the rest of the restroom: before you use a bathroom, check that there is enough soap and paper towels or hand sanitizer with at least 60% alcohol.

You are going to need to wash your hands after using the bathroom, whether you are going number one, number two, or number one-two-one-two-one-two. After all, a bird in hand is, well, pretty dirty. So is anything else that may be in your hands while you are in the bathroom. Don’t wait until you’ve done the deed before realizing that the soap dispenser is empty, the faucet doesn’t work, or the paper towels available are dirtier than your underwear. Instead, treat your bathroom trip like a tennis match. Scope out the place first and have a game plan before serving up whatever you are going to throw out onto the court.

The CDC does offer additional tips when you are considering going out in general. Be aware of the local orders and how prevalent Covid-19 may be in your community. That Baconator sandwich may not be worth the risk if the virus is actively spreading in your area. Always consider how many people you will be interacting with and for how long, as well as whether it will be feasible to at least one Denzel away from everyone. Avoid situations that may put you at higher risk, such as a restaurant that requires naked Twister. You may want to avoid such a restaurant in general. When dining out, don’t bite off more risk than you can chew.