Self Care Vs. Leader Care

When my business coach asked me “What do you do for self care?” I cringed as I typically do when I hear a buzzword. She noticed.

I’ve always felt that working, writing and creating were my self care. Between middle of the night bad dream tamer, to mac and cheese server, to chauffeur and chief band-aid applier, my mom self is what gets burned out first.

Working is like a breezy little vacation.

The point of self care is to make sure our cup is filled, our energy is up, and we feel nurtured. However, lately it feels like the term “self-care” has taken on a whole new meaning. I see a lot of people describing self care as a few certain actions (like a massage, sleeping in or deep breathing) and if you aren’t doing those things, you aren’t taking care of yourself. Which is why I cringe at the term.

This is when my coach stepped in and offered up a reframe. “What if you thought of self care more like leader care? How are you taking care of the leader within you?”

AH! YES!

That resonated, and maybe it will with you as well. I let go of the pressure of making sure my self care was approved by everyone else and reframed it to “leader care.” I feel energized after I get my work done. I feel satisfied when I create something new. I feel seen and nurtured when I have calls with my coach. Those things really have taken care of me, but they don’t fall into the traditional self care bucket and therefore weren’t valid to others.

Do I love massages, sleeping in, pedicures, yoga, etc.? Of course I do, but the lasting effects of those things verses writing an article or creating something for my business isn’t as long.

However, the leader in me sometimes needs to stop in the middle of the day to take a really hot bath and think – and that’s ok too.

Caring for the leader in you might look exactly like traditional self care, or it might not. The point is, you know what it takes to care for you, and if it’s not typical “self-care” – don’t sweat it.

Here are a few ways you can practice leader care.

1. Let Go Of What Others Think You Need

This is perhaps the biggest reason I cringe when I hear the term “self care.” I get this overwhelming feeling of pressure to do what someone else believes I need to do. This is why it never feels nurturing or fulfilling to me. I feel better when I’m creative, after a coaching session, after writing. I love my work, it brings me a lot of joy. As a result, I am more present with my children, have more patience, more energy and I sleep better.

The latest Instagram influencer might tell you a face mask is what you need in order to take care of yourself, but if you need something a bit deeper – you do you.

2. Shift Your Focus

When things get chaotic and stressful, stopping to get a massage might be the least helpful thing you can do. Julie Longyear – Herbal Chemist, Formulator and Founder of Blissoma says, “We have to look for what resources we each have and then think creatively how those can be applied. This is the type of thinking that has helped my business survive and thrive for nearly 20 years independently. We are always looking at what we do have and how to leverage that to the greatest benefit. If you spend time thinking about what you don’t have you can miss opportunities.” 

Just a simple shift in focus, to one of gratitude, might be enough to get you unstuck, get creative and find solutions. Solving your business problems can unload a lot of stress, ease tension and fuel confidence. A lot more than a pedicure can.

3. Create Routine

As a leader, there are probably a lot of things you wish you did better or more consistently. Creating a routine is one of the best ways you can take care of the leader within you. Rick Barrera, a business turnaround specialist and author of Over Promise, Over Deliver says, “The easiest way to improve your consistency would be to add one small thing to your current routine, or schedule. If you know your focus at work is 10 times better after a morning workout, build that into your day. Eventually it will become part of your routine and not only will your body reap the benefits, but so will your business.”

Your self care might look different than everyone else’s and that’s absolutely fine. Let go of their expectations and find what fills your cup.