Council Post: How We’re Navigating Grief As Business Leaders

President at DynamicLeader, Inc.

As individuals, leaders, entrepreneurs and business owners, and as a global culture, we are grieving. We’re reconciling the loss of what was, and we’re coming to terms with the concept of a new, as yet undetermined “normal.” 

Elisabeth Kubler Ross’s stages of grief fit perfectly for us as we establish a new sense of personal freedom and can see the end in sight. 

Perhaps this paradigm makes sense for your own sense of healing. 

Stage One: Denial

When we were first told that there was a novel virus that was very dangerous out there, most of us didn’t want to believe in unseen boogie monsters — a dangerous virus that could be anywhere and in anyone. The term “novel,” as in we hadn’t really seen this before, was downplayed. We didn’t want to believe that we’d have to shut our doors or that our revenue flow would be interrupted so badly.

Stage Two: Anger

We were shut in and shut down, and we felt like we lost our freedom. As individuals and business owners, we lost the financial stability we were building, and we lost our day-to-day roles. For many, there was a loss of personal identity. 

Entrepreneurs and business leaders faced the moving target of regulations to manage. It was maddening to manage payroll and the potential loss of friends as both team members and customers were pushed away while we were kept from what we love to do.

When told what to do as a mandate, many people push back. Others fall in line reluctantly and then act as enforcers for the rules. The regulations for the various phases affected our ability to establish any semblance of normality. We ache to serve. It’s why we lead our businesses. Facing regulations imposed or lifted based on attempts to manage threat, and how that varied across geographic lines, fueled the fire of balancing safety and smiling through gritted teeth as business leaders found ways to stand back up after feeling knocked down.

Anger also pushed many people into survival mode. As toilet paper, eggs, and chicken disappeared from grocery store shelves, many of us were left perplexed. Anger showed up, and we developed an attitude of “I’m not letting this item get away.” When we, as humans, stop caring about other humans, our culture is damaged. Anger and outrage at the shortages created the common enemy of people who hoarded.

Anger is normal. But we like to think it doesn’t exist sometimes. 

Fear can generate a response of anger, and, unfortunately for our collective psyche, the face mask became the symbol of fear, status, shame, and healing. Individuals became afraid of each other, and store owners became afraid of customers. 

Stage Three: Bargaining

If only we could go out. If only I could get my hair done. If only we could meet with our friends. “If only” is the language of bargaining, and it shows up in so many ways. Going out for a walk or a drive was a defiant way to bargain — staying socially distant, but not going too far. As individuals and consumers, we felt trapped. Business owners and leaders felt trapped as well. From dentists to restauranteurs to hairdressers and retail shop owners, the collective cry of “What if we only offered …” could be heard behind the walls of those following the stay-at-home orders.

These phases we pass through are neither bad nor good. These are the stages of grieving, and they don’t become problematic unless someone stays stuck. The idea here is that you notice where you are and that you’re coming into a new phase. 

Stage Four: Depression

Often experienced as a lack of joy or a loss of interest versus sadness, depression can feel like our ability to care about work or even family takes more energy than we have. We might feel like “Why bother?” And, from here, it’s not unusual to bounce back into anger. This is because depression often masks anger, and when we get a little energy back, we have a way of expressing that outwardly. With profits crashing and forecasting looking grim, some business owners know that the road to recovery will be steep. Others face the harsh reality of closing their doors. Most have wounds to lick and feel like they did the right thing, but wonder if it was enough.

Stage Five: Acceptance

We shake off the dust. As individuals, we take inventory. As business leaders, we look at restructuring. We may feel it’s a good opportunity to make changes. This is tough when so many new rules and so much new information is shared. As we all scramble to find stability, we realize that these conditions won’t last forever. We have some form of a plan; it may not be great, but there’s a realization that we’re going to get through. Some of us had very deep personal losses along the way. Some of us are grateful to be coming through with minor scrapes. 

We’re all touched by this. The invisible oppressor that began in the autumn of last year and made its way to a global place this spring touched all of us. 

And as we pull out of the wreckage, we need to remind ourselves that this is a story of humanity. We were and are all touched by this. None of us knows the extent to which it affected another. 

Offer a sense of humanity. Deliberately, actively, positively uplift the life of another. This sharing of humanity starts with one person: you. That is how we heal. That is how we create a culture of caring. It starts with one.

Now we build anew.

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