Council Post: If Coaching Works, Why Aren’t You Coaching Yourself?

Dionne is a serial entrepreneur, coach and the founder of Overstand You, a self-coaching platform.

Many companies use coaching as a tool to empower employees to fulfill their potential and meet organizational objectives. According to the International Coach Federation, the coaching industry generated more than $2.8 billion worldwide in 2019, an increase of 21% since 2015.

To me, this growth shows that coaching works. However, I consider coaching yourself to be an important part of the process as well. Working as a coach, I urge clients to continue the process of self-reflection outside of our sessions. I am always upfront about the process of coaching: The only reason I am there is to ask them the questions they don’t usually ask themselves.

To me, coaches are the facilitators of self-inquiry; they have a plethora of skills, tools and methods that can inspire us to get the results we have been struggling to get by ourselves. Therefore, learning how to self-coach enables you to get the most out of the process because it adds another dimension to helping you achieve your desired goals and outcomes.

I believe self-coaching can work for you if you are prepared to do the following four things:

1. You are courageous enough to engage with radical self-inquiry.

In a previous article, I wrote about the ways we can have difficult conversations with ourselves in order to take time to reflect. This provides a space where we can take responsibility for reviewing our performance, as well as our contributions to problems and challenges that exist in our personal lives and the workplace. Radical self-inquiry is about being brave enough to ask whether you are the problem and being prepared to do the work that is required to improve or fix things.

In the book Reboot: Leadership and the Art of Growing Up, author Jerry Colonna talks about radical self-inquiry as a tool for transformation. He urges companies, professionals and founders to focus on ways to increase self-awareness. I learned from Colonna that asking difficult questions that encourage professionals to look back at the past can help them unearth their experiences and limiting beliefs.

It takes a great amount of courage to face and overcome your personal barriers, but from my perspective, the rewards far outweigh the costs.

2. You are prepared to review your projections.

I define “perception” as a personalized system that enables us to interpret our internal and external world through a variety of shortcuts. One of the most powerful tools in coaching, in my opinion, is challenging our perceptions and seeing them as projections. 

This is particularly useful when examining our opinions of others and our thoughts and feelings about situations that did not go well. For example, if you believe someone is controlling, you might ask yourself, “How am I controlling?” In my experience, it is often easier to point out what others have done wrong. 

One of the premises of neurolinguistic programming is that you can spot something is wrong and name it correctly because it exists within you first. Therefore, the world and people become mirrors that project back to us what we need to learn. As a leader, I always took the opportunity to discover what it was within me that could have caused or contributed to challenges.

3. You are open to viewing mistakes as valuable teaching opportunities.

How good are you at playing the blame game? Some organizations have fostered cultures in which pointing the finger is the norm, which I’ve found can be unhealthy for innovation and growth. Although self-coaching encourages you to turn within for answers, rather than blaming yourself for things that go wrong, it’s important to treat any mistake as an opportunity to learn. This helps you to develop your own quality assurance cycle and conduct an analysis of strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats, known as a SWOT analysis.

I have found that self-coaching helps you to become insightful, and it requires you to trust the process and what comes up for you. Trust that you have all the answers you need, and commit to finding them as you seek to speak and discover the truth while maintaining your professionalism and integrity. This allows you to be authentic. However, be mindful of rumination, or going over things again and again without using the information you have learned to make things better.

4. You have a clearly defined problem or challenge.

Having a clearly defined problem or challenge is important because it allows you to have a focus for self-coaching. The challenge here would be working toward objectives that are not clearly defined, especially when the problem is not clear in the first place.

For example, I have worked with many clients who, on the surface, struggle with getting things done, but through further exploration, they are often grappling with deeper feelings such as rejection, lack of self-worth, fear of failure, etc. I have found that problems can be like onions: When you think you have gotten to the real issue, you often find another layer to be explored.

Focusing on the right problem or challenge helps you to direct your energy into discovering what specifically is going on for you. It also enables you to seek clarity on small-scale issues, guides you toward questions that can help you increase your self-awareness and ultimately helps you to find the right solutions. Self-acceptance is key because beating yourself over the head with the things you perceive to be “wrong” with you will not be helpful. 

I believe self-coaching is for you if you are prepared to commit to what I’ve listed above and to strengthening any existing coaching programs you might be part of. The ultimate goal of self-coaching, in addition to increasing knowledge of yourself and being more conscious, is to contribute to self-actualization and produce and exceed results, all while being more of your authentic self. 

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