The One Question To Become A Master Networker During Covid-19

Gone are the days of coffee dates, power lunches and happy hours. Though we need to stay socially distant, forming social connections are undeniably more important than ever. Whether you’re one of the 33 million Americans who are unemployed, or a small business owner like me, seeking to help your business succeed in an economy where more than 40% of small businesses are predicted to close permanently by the end of 2020, networking can help you achieve your goals. 

It’s clear that the stakes couldn’t be higher. So how do we forge social connections in the socially distant era?

For answers, I collaborated with Dr. Marisa G. Franco, a psychologist and expert on how adults form strong relationships. Together we identified ways to network effectively during COVID-19.

We identified the number one problem in how people network. All too often, people approach networking as a means to get something they want – whether that’s a referral to a job or an introduction to a connection. This is the wrong approach if you’re looking to build relationships, and ultimately, achieve your goal. But, what do you do instead?  

It’s simple. Start by helping others. 

 The one question that will make you a master networker is “what can I do to support you?” The best networkers are the best givers. They understand that people are most motivated to help those who have given to them, and that their giving isn’t ever a loss, but a gain for them in the long run.

 There’s a psychology theory called reciprocity theory that finds people get back what they give. Consider a classic study, conducted in 1971 by Dennis T. Regan, that tested this idea. Regan had participants come into the lab, and interact with another “student” who was really a spy for the researcher. The student was instructed to behave pleasantly or abrasively during the experiment. Later on in the experiment, the student offered half of the participants a coke. At the end of the experiment, the student asked the participant to buy a raffle ticket.

 When did participants buy a raffle ticket? When they were given a coke! 

In fact, participants were more likely to buy a raffle ticket from the student who had been abrasive, but had given them a coke, than they were to buy one from the pleasant student who had given them nothing. These results suggest that when we’re deciding who to give to, we prioritize people who have given to us, even above people we like.

 Since you can’t exactly give your connections a virtual coke, you might be wondering what you have to offer in the COVID-19 era.

More likely than not, the intangible things you can offer are even more powerful than a soda. Think about connections you can make to help someone in your network. Leave friends and colleagues a positive review on LinkedIn, or email their boss and tell them how great they are. You can even offer to look out for opportunities or articles that might match their professional interests.

 Great networkers are great givers. If you want someone to look out for you, look out for them. You may find that being a giver doesn’t just bring you professional success, but it also makes you happier, bestowing you with the “helper’s high” that’s been found to decrease our stress, and increase our joy.  Thus, by asking “how can I best support you?,” you can find both professional and personal fulfillment.