Work Hard, But Don’t Be Hard Work

We all know someone who’s hard work. Perhaps it’s the abrasive manager on the warpath, leaving destruction in their wake and holding suppliers to ransom. They’re proud of being hard to please and have no intention of changing. Most likely to say, “do that again” or “you just can’t get the staff”. Most likely to burn out, most likely to be feared, most likely to upset people.

They’ve copied the manner of bigshots on the telly or they are being led by their ego. They get a kick out of power and enjoy seeing people squirm. The energy is misplaced and it’s draining for all involved.

But do we recognise when we’re being hard work? When you’ve sent your third support ticket and you’ve asked for an answer you could well have googled. When you’ve sent back your meal and complained on Twitter, ignored someone’s emails or haggled relentlessly. When you’ve demanded concessions but given none in return. Or imposed double standards and been blind to your shortcomings. It’s a good time to take a look in the mirror and ask, “Am I working hard, or am I hard work?”

What’s the difference?

There’s a fine line between having high standards and being impossible to satisfy. Between demanding and unreasonable. Being assertive and being a diva. Being unpredictable holds power, but volatility is exhausting. Abrasive isn’t the goal.

You can air a genuine concern without being mean. You can offer advice without putting down. You can command respect without shouting at people. You can ask for more without being entitled.

Behind that restaurant you slated is a family business. Behind that email you responded to angrily is someone going through a tough time and doing their best. Having a reputation for being difficult to work with will stunt your potential. People and opportunities will find a way to avoid you. They’ll decide it’s not worth the hassle.

Work hard

Be the example you want to set. Be the change you want to see. Be the leader you would want to follow. Practice what you preach, stick to your high standards and don’t cut your own corners. Set the bar by demonstration, not instruction. Be the kind of person who makes others want to up their game, not the one who scares them into doing so.  

In my university summer job, my boss was eccentric. Anything I hadn’t yet learned was an excuse for a fun lesson. It was great. It felt deliberate and I loved the daily surprises. My accountant is always happy see me and it makes a difference. Everyone in my team gives the benefit of the doubt.

State your expectations, communicate your standards, and share your methods. Some people just won’t cut it and that’s fine, but tell them straight instead of leading them along an impossible path.

Go easy on others

Be hard on yourself but easy on others. In the words of Jesus, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” In the words of Elsa, “Let it go”. In the words of John Lennon, “Let it be”. Assume the best intentions. Assume any miscommunication is your own fault. Point the thumb before you point the finger. Make exceptions.

Be generous with praise and gratitude and stop moving the goalposts. Pause and take stock before going again. Back off once in a while.

Decide that you’ll support people but not carry them. That you’ll work with people who are intrinsically motivated. Let your work be the way you amass your tribe. Commit to output and just be exceptional.

Practice what you preach

Above all, be excellent to work with. Be positive, inspiring and uncomplicated. Strive for reasonable and put kindness first. Surprise and delight the people around you. Write the reference, unprompted. Send the gift, unprompted.

Always have something nice to say. Make them look forward to your call. Say thanks, repeatedly. Watch in awe as the doors open, the opportunities find you and luck seems to follow you around. Work hard, but don’t be hard work.