Swimming In An Experience Tank: Why We Must Lean Into Hope To Overcome Anxiety

“A character is the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life and is the source from which self-respect springs,” wrote Joan Didion. “Self-respect is a discipline, a habit of mind that can never be faked but can be developed, trained, coaxed forth.” Further, “To have that sense of one’s intrinsic worth which constitutes self-respect is potentially to have everything: the ability to discriminate, to love and to remain indifferent.”

These unprecedented times are certainly trying many of us. Though we have a history of pandemics as humans, we have not had such an outbreak for over 100 years. No one of us has a living experience for what it means to exist at this time, how to relate to one another or what needs to be done. From the reported number of COVID-19 infected cases to the reported number of deaths across multiple countries, we are all trying to process new and soul-hurting information day by day. From convincing self (and others) to exercise physical distancing by staying home to providing a hand to elder neighbors who are advised to stay in, we are trying to remain ‘close’. From caring for kids who need our undivided attention to engage in work that pays our living bills, we are trying to get by. It is no surprise majority of us are experiencing an overwhelming amount of confusion and carrying a heavy heart these days.

There is silence. There is noise. There is crying. There is sadness. There is worry. There is stump. This is exactly what anxiety feels like at large.

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines anxiety as “an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts and physical changes like increased blood pressure.” Anxiety is a normal and a healthy emotion that is available to all of us. It is necessary for our survival instinct and often motivates us. When it is prolonged, however, it may grow intense. If it turns into distress, sometimes it can be debilitating.

It is very important that we recognize distress and anxiety are the most reasonable responses to our current human condition, and they require every one of us to lean in (to courage) and create space for one another’s unique experience. It is okay, for example, to experience an increased heart rate during this time; it is okay to struggle with breathing normally. It is okay to feel irritable and to lose concentration during conversations. It is also okay having difficulty to sleep at night. Perhaps most importantly, it is okay to feel angry about the circumstances and the scenarios that play in front of our eyes. In fact, it is times like these when we resist anger, we find ourselves in other, more limiting places. As paradoxical as it sounds, anxiety when subdued actually births a new, a more rigid and a more contagious kind of fear.

Please give yourself permission to question:

·      Why in the world are we in this situation following SARS?

·      Why we are not better prepared for this?

·      Why is there no united front across countries?

·      Why is there no world leadership?

·      Why should we be okay to witness some being declined of basic healthy rights?

·      Why should we be okay to witness some risking their lives?

·      Who is going to cover for our individual and collective losses?

We need these kinds of questions to acknowledge the condition of our common humanity now because in a world, in which we continue to undermine the power of science and arts, where we continue to disown personal accountability and disengage in international cooperation, we are bound to see more issues that affect our humanities over the years. We need to take this precious opportunity to reflect on our collective ability to build trust, listen actively and with humility to those who carry wisdom and foresight, who innovate in science and we need to stand on a united foundation of human values. 

There is another thing we must not leave behind: While we demand some collective answers, we cannot simply do away with our individual responsibility. We cannot, for example, turn our anger to a particular group or a geography. We cannot, expect higher authority to “protect” everybody. We also cannot cling onto political views, religious beliefs, sovereignty – anything man made to isolate a specific part of our humanities.

Organizations are living organisms. Though they have their unique thought, emotion and behavioral patterns, they are, at the same time, a true representation of its’ constituents. We need to recognize – human beings are not only a part of the current capitalist system; we actually make up the system. In that, every time one of us want a piece of clothing faster and cheaper, every time we oversize a dish, every time we use water to decorate our gardens, every time we buy our children a different version of the same toy for the tenth time, whether we like to admit or not, we are contributing to the current ways of the system we complain about. 

It is time we grow an appreciation for how far we have been able to come along over the years as a society. The capabilities we have been able to develop has aided the current crisis immensely. It took only two weeks for world scientists to find out the root cause of coronavirus, its sequence, begin testing, etc. Can you imagine what that reality would look like only about a 50 years ago? There are a number of medical, research, services, technology staff that have dedicated their lives to serve our humanities. Physical isolation may be necessary to protect one another at this very moment; however, we must not forget the way forward requires unity and a common agreement on how we are going to leverage the joint accumulated knowledge for future scenario planning, based on a set of pre-defined human values. As much as we all wish this period to come to an end soon, we cannot simply forget about it afterward. We need all of our characters equally during this transition and hope is a wonderful source that can help.

Hope is a multi-faceted attribute and a powerful one that can help us move forward. Though commonly described as a positive emotion, research shows hope often comes about in the midst of negative or uncertain circumstances. This is not the same as exercising optimism, experiencing joy or pretending to be content. Hope is anticipatory in that there is a conscious willingness to invest in our ability to work towards something – something bigger, something better. People engage in hope not in expectation of a specific achievement or a large recognition. This emotional state is rather driven by the satisfaction of engaging in something good, common and often categorized as moral.

Instead of surpassing emotions and trying to get by, when you find yourself experience an anxiety, take a side step form what you are doing, pause for a few minutes and remind yourself that we – as a global society – are  undergoing a huge transformation in which we are developing a new kind of identity. Acknowledge this requires our individual transcendence and we certainly have a lot to remember and re-discover in light of hope. Sit in a lighted place, quiet your mind and visualize for yourself the most confident moments across your life experiences. Contemplate how our collective confidence may have given its place to mistrust over time, day by day…

When you find yourself feeling tired, take ten minutes at the end of your day to lay on a flat surface. Put a hand over your heart and try to remember your most respected and respect-offering moments. Consider how our ability to respect one another and the nature has turned into intolerance and aggression.

When you find yourself feeling alienated or emotionally isolated from others, put on some of your favorite music and let your body move carelessly until it finds its natural state of joy. You can even do this with your family. Once you feel enough, take a few breaths and get curious about where and how we may have lost our sense of forgiveness towards one another.

When you exercise hope, you will find gratitude pours in. Science validates for us small differences in thinking can make a large difference in adaptive outcomes. People who are invested in the future take better care of themselves in the present. This is why character build self-respect and self-respect build sustainability environments.

It is a shame we forgot there are so many wonderful, creative energies that have been a part of human history. Though our human make-up – our DNA has not changed a bit in a thousand more years, it is a shame we feel we have outgrown simple values that have carried us forward thus far. Getting back into contact with who we are, how we relate and what we care to do can not only expand our capacity, it can help us reconnect to the amazing gifts we carry inside of us. It may be true that we have inherited a pile of broken systems, errors, and have lack the kind of human leadership we desire, but thinking we are a victim is giving into fear and we have hope to stand by. We do still have in us to create the world anew and it requires the best of our character now.