Taylor Swift And Kanye West Are A Lesson In Miscommunication

Communication relies on shared meaning. For example, say you’re in an office meeting and a package gets delivered. You may put on a dramatic tone and say, “What’s the box?!” If your coworkers have seen the movie Seven, then you’ll probably get some smiles and laughs. If no one has seen Seven, then you’ll have that sublime moment of awkward silence followed by that awkward attempt to explain your reference.

Shared communication crops up in obvious and less obvious ways. You may tell your significant other you’re “running to the store for some things.” Odds are your partner will take that to mean the local grocery store and that you won’t be gone long. If you came home 5-hours later, with a brand new tractor, there’d be a lot of confusion and questions. For the people you’re closest to, you understand vague statements, inside jokes, and the slightest looks because of the many experiences you’ve enjoyed. Without those experiences, the vague statements are just vague statements. There are no inside jokes. And the slightest looks are full of mystery.

One of the less obvious ways shared communication is important is in scope. As in the difference between a broad vs. narrow scope. Someone who has a broad scope might think “I’ll be there soon” could mean within an hour (or more). While someone with a narrow scope might think it means within 10-minutes.

When communication isn’t shared, it sets the stage for one of the most infuriating evils in the world: miscommunication.

A great example of miscommunication is brought to us by Kanye West and Taylor Swift.

He said, She said

In 2016, drama broke out between the two superstars. During a sold-out listening party in Madison Square Garden for West’s new album, The Life of Pablo, the public heard, for the first time, these lyrics from the song “Famous”:

For all my Southside n****s that know me best/I feel like me a Taylor might still have sex/Why? I made that bitch famous

The reaction was immediate because the shared history between the two is well-known. In 2009, Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift at the Video Music Awards. The problematic-yet-iconic moment kicked off years of tension between the two. In 2015, the pair attempted to build a positive relationship. A friendship, even. There were phone calls. A dinner together. Swift even presented West with the MTV Video Vanguard Award.

Of course, headlines followed the debut of “Famous,” as the lyrics seemed to the outside world like a dramatic and crude escalation of a conflict the two had seemingly put to rest. Taylor’s team was swift with a response:

Swift’s team: Kanye did not call for approval, but to ask Taylor to release his single ‘Famous’ on her Twitter account. She declined and cautioned him about releasing a song with such a strong misogynistic message. Taylor was never made aware of the actual lyric, “I made that bitch famous.”

That prompted Kanye to respond, via Twitter.

West: I did not diss Taylor Swift and I’ve never dissed her… First thing is I’m an artist and as an artist I will express how I feel with no censorship. 2nd thing I asked my wife for her blessings and she was cool with it. 3rd thing I called Taylor and had a hour long convo with her about the line and she thought it was funny and gave her blessings. 4th Bitch is an endearing term in hip hop like the word [n***a]. 5th thing I’m not even gone take credit for the idea… it’s actually something Taylor came up with … She was having dinner with one of our friends who’s name I will keep out of this and she told him I can’t be mad at Kanye because he made me famous! #FACTS

From February through July of 2016, people picked their sides. They either believed Kanye or believed Taylor (or didn’t care). Both artists came under attack. Momentum swung to Swift, though, and Kanye suffered the brunt of the blame, as people rejected his version of the phone call and trusted Swift’s. He had been the aggressor all those years before. He’s constantly causing controversy. Why would now be any different?

All that ended in July when West’s wife, Kim Kardashian, released on Snapchat footage from the much-talked-about call. The video changed the tide, as it appeared to disprove all three points from Swift’s initial statement.

1. West had sought Taylor’s approval.
2. Rather than caution West about releasing the song, Swift, in fact, says she’ll be supportive of it.
3. West specifically tells Swift he’s going to say “I made her famous.”

Of course, Taylor had her take on it:

Swift: Where is the video of Kanye telling me he was going to call me ‘that bitch’ in his song? It doesn’t exist because it never happened. You don’t get to control someone’s emotional response to being called ‘that bitch’ in front of the entire world. Of course I wanted to like the song. I wanted to believe Kanye when he told me that I would love the song. I wanted us to have a friendly relationship. He promised to play the song for me, but he never did. While I wanted to be supportive of Kanye on the phone call, you cannot ‘approve’ a song you haven’t heard. Being falsely painted as a liar when I was never given the full story or played any part of the song is character assassination. I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative, one that I have never asked to be a part of, since 2009.

Following the video, Swift suffered the first major backlash of her career. An event that caused her to take a break from the limelight for most of 2017.

With no new information, as neither side had further comment, the conversation died out. People believed who they believed, and that was that. Until March 21st, 2020. In an unexpected turn, someone released what seems to be the near-complete footage of the call. For the first time, the public could hear for themselves what was said between Taylor and Kanye.

What good is proof when you can’t agree on what it proves?

Now that the full video has been released, fans, once again, took to social media to argue who was right and wrong. The back-and-forth caused #KanyeWestIsOverParty and #TaylorToldTheTruth to trend on Twitter.

You could debate all day about which superstar celebrity was or wasn’t the victim. But when you step back and look at the methods of communication, one thing becomes clear: the issue here is a case of miscommunication (and it wouldn’t be the first time) brought on by a difference in scope.

In short, Swift’s perspective was zoomed in, while West’s was zoomed out.

When you watch the 25-minute conversation, Kanye receives cautious-yet-positive reinforcement for the general concept of both lines, the one about sex and the other about making her famous.

To the first, Taylor acknowledges the tongue-in-cheek nature of the line West compared to something the oft-hyperbolic and controversial Eminem would say.

To the second, she allows that even though she had sold millions of albums (a moment of synecdoche as Taylor uses the example to stand-in for the acclaim, awards, and fame she had already achieved on her own merit prior to the 2009 VMAs and the publicity and notoriety and compassion the interruption brought) that to Kanye, Taylor had been an unknown. Meaning, from his perspective, the interruption had made her famous.

Having received what West considered approval for broader concepts of the lines, did he really need to check-in, again, on the specific words? Hadn’t Taylor seemed understanding and accommodating? If she knew the lines were tongue-in-cheek, would the word “bitch” be a dealbreaker?

It seems that it was. The approval Swift gave was for the specific things she had heard. It didn’t mean there was nothing that could upset her, that she would approve any and all differences between what Kanye told her and what the final version of the song ended up being. To her, “approval” had a narrow meaning. Where to West it was broad.

That brings us to what’s perhaps the most common type of miscommunication: the charge of a word.

Look at how both parties talked about the term “bitch.”

West: Bitch is an endearing term in hip hop.

Swift: You don’t get to control someone’s emotional response to being called ‘that bitch’ in front of the entire world.

To one party, the word lacks any kind of negative charge. To the other, it’s an insult, an embarrassment.

Was Kanye trying to be spiteful? That doesn’t seem to be the case. He thought he had permission for the lines. Adding in a word that’s so prevalent and toothless in hip hop could not be an issue.

Was Swift within her right to be offended at the word? Absolutely. Just because it’s endearing in West’s world doesn’t mean Swift has the same relationship with it. If he had mentioned it in the initial call, she could have told him, then and there, without conflict, “I’d prefer you not to use that word.” If that had happened, who knows where they’d be today. Maybe not the best of friends, but probably not completely embittered.

And that’s miscommunication in a nutshell. You might be able to quote the “I said BITCH” Key & Peele sketch with your friends and loved ones and always have a good laugh. But if you quoted it to your coworker or waitress or TSA agent, you could be in for some trouble. The phrase, without context, won’t mean the same thing to everyone.

The more you can strive for establishing alignment in communication the less often you’ll run into troublesome scenarios that can range from mildly frustrating to making a mortal enemy out of a fellow famous celebrity. If you assume everyone charges words with the same meaning you do, or has the same scope as you, or the same knowledge and context about a topic, you’ll find yourself, more often than not, in conflict.