Colbert, Kimmel, Noah Dissect the Madness of COVID-19 Lockdown Protestors

Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah and Jimmy Kimmel found themselves with plenty of joke fodder Monday following protests in multiple states last weekend against the stay-at-home orders issued to stem the spread of COVID-19.

On The Late Show, Colbert stated the obvious: That social distancing and closing up businesses isn’t just to keep individuals safe but to prevent the spread of the virus, especially to older relatives. Noting one woman’s glib sign, “I Need a Haircut,” Colbert cracked, “It should read, ‘I want to endanger the lives of your grandparents in exchange for frosted tips.’”

President Donald Trump has been very supportive of these protests, despite the obvious contradiction with the White House’s own official shelter-in-place policies. On The Daily Show, Noah showed a clip of Trump defending the protestors by saying they’re suffering from “cabin fever.” In turn, Noah deadpanned, “Yes, people are suffering from cabin fever, and honestly, I can’t think of any disease right now that could be worse than that.”

Noah then quipped that Trump spoke about cabin fever like it was an actual illness, breaking out his impression of the president as he joked, “This cabin fever, one of the worst outbreaks we’ve ever had, even worse than that disease from the Seventies — disco fever. It was so hard, staying alive, staying alive, I, I, I was just trying to stay alive!”

Kimmel offered the frankest assessment of the protestors. After acknowledging that, obviously, people need to get back to work, he reiterated the fact that stay-at-home orders are in place precisely so people can get back to work, and then stay at work.

“I’m starting to think these characters who support Trump might be suicidal,” Kimmel said. “They seem to fight hardest for the things that will kill them. They want freedom to gather in large groups during an epidemic, they want guns, they want pollution. I figured it out, they want to die and they’re taking us down with them. It’s like if the Titanic was headed towards the iceberg, and half of the passengers were like, ‘Can you please speed this thing up?’”