Council Post: A Lesson From Video Games: Leading To Win Vs. Leading Well

Founder and CEO at Counself Inc.

In this digital age, it is safe to say that most, if not all, parents are worried about the amount of time their kids spend online. As a past Atari devotee and now a parent to a teenage son, it made me want to explore the new gaming world. I stumbled upon studies done by the pro-gaming community that claimed holistic benefits for the players, from physical growth in improving their motor skills, logical growth in teaching them to be agile and emotional growth in developing into team players. Sounds good, right? But still, when I considered what I knew about the negative side effects of video games, it wasn’t enough for me to let my son spend hours playing.

During this pandemic, with my home office next to my son’s room, I could overhear his conversations with other players as they brainstormed their routes, responsibilities and assignments. Occasionally I would hear him formally questioning and evaluating players, like in a real job interview. I became curious and asked him about those conversations. He met my interest with hesitance at first and then excitement as we talked about the game, the structure and logistics that have to be learned and many more details.

But the story that resonated with me the most is one in which he and his team lost an important tournament. As a business owner, I have had my fair share of struggles and failures, and a lot of the struggles he mentioned hit close to home for me. I asked him if I could share the story here:

His team had secured one of eight highly sought spots in an e-sports competition. My son was captain and held his team to a strict practice schedule, with weekend-long sessions, grinding out games and studying and practicing code phrases. The goal was to perfect their play, and as they improved, he felt they had a real shot at winning.

He describes snapping back to reality when some of his teammates began voicing concerns and complaining about his leadership. They said that he never asked for feedback, made decisions without asking for their input and set rigid schedules without considering the different time zones they were in. They didn’t feel well-supported and were losing motivation and purpose.

Time was short and the prize was important, so my son chose to ignore their complaints and continued to push the team in the direction that he thought was right. He figured that it would all work out after they won the money and that they would thank him for it. (How Machiavellian of him!) But three days before the tournament, two players quit and left his clan, disqualifying them from the tournament. He was crushed.

Of course, there were a lot of emotions — anger, frustration and regret of not getting the prize — but that also made him think hard about what he could have done to prevent people from leaving the team. He had originally thought anything unrelated to in-game strategy would detract the team and affect the goal of winning but later realized that mindset was wrong, and it wasn’t. His team wanted “recognition, purpose, growth and to be acknowledged.”

After hearing his story, the first thing I realized was that leadership lessons can and do come from anywhere. It can be from a regular day at work, volunteering at your church, or in this case, from a video gaming clan.

Just like the captain of a video game clan, an entrepreneur or business owner has a goal and vision to achieve, and therefore will drive the team toward that. As a leader, it may often feel like you know better, or that if everyone would just listen and trust, you’d succeed. But it seems that it is challenging for a leader to be successful if they’re too unshakable or reckless in their way of thinking.

After “losing enough tournaments” throughout the years, I’ve learned that there’s a sweet spot between leading to win and leading well, and the two are not mutually exclusive. In fact, if you’re leading well, you often will win. Leaders who inspire confidence in their teams to speak their minds can increase productivity and innovation. Keeping your team in the dark and controlling their every move will put more on your plate and fill your staff with resentment.

Setting aside time for open communication with the team is key. Of course, this must scale with company and department size, and all leadership should proactively be checking in with their teams in an encouraging and not admonishing way. By creating a comfortable environment for team members to voice their concerns, opinions and ideas without fear, you will have the benefit of so much new creativity.

Remember that the buck does not stop there; communication is a two-way street, and it is also important that leaders convey and embody values, objectives and expectations. But be careful not to issue company communications. Here’s the thing. It should be dialogue, not monologue. The more engaging and personal the conversation is, the more effective it will be. Empathetic communication will turn anger into respect and doubt into trust.

And last but not least, keep in mind that it is not about you, your goals, your opinions or your ideas. It’s about helping your team by understanding their concerns, meeting their needs and adding value to their world. This way, you may lose a couple of “tournaments,” but you will also build a healthy team that will organically grow and win many others in the long run.

Forbes Business Council is the foremost growth and networking organization for business owners and leaders. Do I qualify?